frightened
by kathleenfergie
Summary: 'And I'm so afraid that you won't love this child because you've grown indifferent to the wished aways. You never sing to them like you did Toby. I watched through a memory crystal how the two of you spent my hours. You loved him so much, I can't help but feel that I took him away from you. What did I do, Jareth? What did I change when I accepted your offer' Jareth/Sarah AU.


I had originally written this to be as if Sarah couldn't have kids, but instead I made a little twist. I love writing 'if Sarah had said yes' AUs, so I hope you enjoy.

I own nothing, as always.

* * *

She watched from above as Jareth stood with the babe and its wisher, a young girl of about fifteen. Sarah did not fail to see the parallels between herself and the girl. However, the girl had lost. By the fifth hour she had fallen asleep from one of Jareth's nasty diversions, leaving the girl no chance in the mighty labyrinth. So, here Sarah stood, watching Jareth from a balcony in the throne room as he confronted the girl, holding the squalling babe in his arms.

The young boy had been fine during the thirteen hours he'd spent with Sarah, but as he was handed off to Jareth, it was as if he knew what was to come.

So, he cried in the king's arms as his fate was doled out to his sister. She had lost and the boy was to be taken away, not to be turned into a goblin like the legends said, but to be given up for adoption. The girl, too, was crying, and Sarah could see her knees wobbling.

'Have you nothing to say, dear, to your baby brother before we take him away?' Jareth's tone was sinister. She knew he found little joy in dealing with runners, but she hated the act he always put on for them.

'Please! My parents, they'll hate me, they'll throw me out, you can't!' The girl sobbed and sobbed, and finally collapsed to her hands and knees.

Sarah sighed and disappeared from her perch on the balcony, reappearing beside Jareth in a wave of iridescence. She felt herself becoming irritated and she leant into his ear, whispering. 'Get on with it, Jareth. I'm tired and I'm starting to get a headache from all the noise.' He looked stunned by her behaviour. While Sarah defied him time and time again, she had never once interfered with his duty to the labyrinth.

'Sarah, I can't just _get on with it_. You know how this works.' While the two monarchs argued, the young girl was still whimpering and pleading for the boy's release. 'Take the child for me, please, he seems to like you more than I. There is a fae couple waiting for him in the entrance hall.' Sarah sighed and let Jareth hand over the baby. While she still wanted the girl out of her castle, she knew to respect her husband's wishes.

Before she left, however, she walked up to the girl, who reached out for her brother, causing Sarah to raise her hand, stilling her. 'What is his name?' She asked, and the girl stopped crying, confused. 'I asked for his name, child. What is it?'

'Matthew,' the girl whispered, looking up at the Goblin Queen in utter confusion. 'Matthew Mark Callahan. Please.'

Sarah nodded. 'Tell me about him.'

'He...he likes it when I read to him, his favourite toy is a wooden gnome my dad carved for him before he died in a car crash, and...he loves the colour orange because when he was newborn, a monarch butterfly landed on his nose at the park.' She stopped speaking and lowered her head. The cries had subsided, but Sarah could see the tears rolling off her cheeks and falling to the ground.

'Thank you. He'll be well cared for.' She said it quietly and then knelt down with the boy in one arm, lifting the girl's head with the opposite hand. Pressing a kiss to her brow, Sarah whispered an incantation, and the girl disappeared back to the Aboveground, her memories wiped of her experience. She, along with the rest of the Above, would forget the boy, instead of the usual punishment of letting the runner keep their memories and suffer.

Turning back to her husband, Sarah noticed the sour look on his face. She could hear whispers of goblins, all surprised by the Queen's actions. They wondered if whether or not the King would react. The King in question uncrossed his arms and advanced on his wife, who in turn pulled the babe closer to her.

'Don't you dare scold me, Jareth, I did what was right.' She hissed.

'What was right? What else am I to do, Sarah? You have disobeyed me; interfering with a runner? Have I done anything to offend you lately that willed you to lose your head?' By the third question, Jareth was shouting, and Sarah was covering the boy's ears. He had fallen asleep a few minutes after he had entered the woman's soft arms. 'Lately you act like every child is sent to its death when it is wished away, and you cling to them!'

'Stop it, Jareth. Shouting at me won't solve anything. Let me take the boy to his new parents.' She replied, having to hold back the bitter tone from seeping into her voice. He was right about the children though.

'Running away from me, are you?' He bit out. 'You were always good at running.' Sarah narrowed her eyes, she was more hurt than angry by this point.  
Jareth was quite fond of bringing up her time in the labyrinth, and of those fateful last moments when she had almost said her right words. It always came up in heated arguments, much to Sarah's dismay. He liked to remind her that she chose this life and if she was displeased, it was always her own fault.

'Yes, and you've always been good at chasing me away, haven't you?' She said it quietly, and he did not respond.

Sarah walked past him and the doors of the throne room swished open, allowing her to step into the entrance hall. Standing there was a fae couple, who looked eager as Sarah walked forward with the little boy.

As she presented the boy to the couple, she relayed the things his sister had told her about him. Before they left, she placed a kiss on his small face and magicked a wooden gnome from thin air, whispering to the sleeping babe in the Goblin language that it would protect him. The two faes left, their smiles setting their faces aglow.  
Sarah smiled fondly after the boy and turned back to the throne room, where her displeased husband was still waiting to finish their row.

'I never meant to anger you, Jareth, I was just simply tired. You caused those two more trauma than they needed, so I stepped in to save you from yourself.'

'Sarah, I'm well past caring about that, but the fact that you let her go without her memories is exactly the opposite of what happens in the lore. Next thing you know, they'll be writing that the Goblin King has gone soft, that his Queen is changing all the rules. Sarah, if I don't have runners, the labyrinth dies and I along with it.' He explained, the anger in his voice dampened with a pleading tone.

'Stop it, please. I know the consequences of my actions, you needn't keep reminding me. There was just too much crying, and the girl reminded me of myself. She was me if I had lost.' Pausing, she shook her head and sighed. 'I've been very emotional as of late and that runner was the last straw. I'm just so exhausted, Jareth, so completely exhausted.' She said, pinching her nose bridge and sighing again. 'I think I'll just go lie down and let you deal with your kingdom,' she exhaled somewhat bitterly.

Jareth sighed and closed the distance between him and his wife. Taking her head in his hands, he could see the bags under her eyes and the immense fatigue dimming her green orbs, accompanying it an emotion he thought to be sorrow. He bent forward and kissed her softly.

'What's been troubling you, my love? I will take your happiness, defiance and compassion, but I can't have you full of anguish,' he asked quietly, searching deep within her cruel eyes. He tried to touch her mind as well, but found she was blocking her thoughts. 'Let me in, Sarah mine.' He hoped using old endearments might persuade her, and she smiled softly, flicking her eyes downward.

Not before long, she began to talk.

'I find myself frightened of something, Jareth,' she whispered, the tears forming in her eyes once more. 'I've seen how you act with those children and the runners, and sometimes it frightens me. You were so kind to Toby, and yet now you push these children on me without a second thought. You treat the runners like scum under your foot, Jareth.' Her head was still cradled in his palms, but he pulled back slightly.

'What are you trying to say, Sarah?' He asked, not exactly wanting the answer.

'I'm scared that you'll do the same to our children, Jareth. That they'll grow up being pushed to the side with their mother, while their father rips apart families and ruins lives. I'm afraid that you still see me as your runner.' She said it with more bitterness than she meant, but he still stepped back. Jareth could now see what her actions were fueled by as of late, her treatment of the children and her attitude towards him. She was happy when she was with them, but looking back on it, he recalled the sad tint to her eyes.

'Sarah, why is this coming to the forefront now, after all the years you've been here?' His voice took on a darker tone, obviously hurt by her accusations.

Sarah shook her head, holding her it in her hands as tears spilt out.

Jareth came forward and grasped at her face once more. Apprehensively, he whispered her name as he pulled her hands away from her face.

'I'm pregnant, Jareth.' She sobbed. 'And I'm so afraid that you won't love this child because you've grown indifferent to the wished aways. You never sing to them like you did Toby. I watched through a memory crystal how the two of you spent my hours. You loved him so much, I can't help but feel that I took him away from you. What did I do, Jareth? What did I change when I accepted your offer?'

He kissed the top of her head again and again, the sobs wracking her petite yet strong body, murmuring her name over and over again.  
'Sarah, Sarah mine, please stop crying.' He soothed and held her. 'You did nothing, my love.' He was at a loss for words. He knew why he acted the way he did towards the wished aways, he had closed off his heart to them because there could be no others like Toby, his once procclaimed heir.

Before Sarah had come into his existence, the babes were the only ones who he had grown to love, the only things he had let see his true self. After her run, though, after Toby was sent back to the Above, he had felt an overwhelming loss. He vowed not to let the children affect him in this way anymore, to attach himself wholeheartedly and then have them taken away. He saw the negative effects of Sarah living with his lifestyle. How would his future children react to having others flash in and out of their lives without a second thought?

Jareth often imagined having children with Sarah, but he never thought that she would feel this way about him. That he wouldn't love their child.

After a long time, he spoke.

'Please, my love, please understand me. You did nothing to quell my love for the babes that pass through. I have loved them all and I have grieved over their departures. But I loved Toby too much, and I was so confident that you'd lose, I had named him after myself, as my heir. I grew to love him as my own in those hours, but in those last moments, my love for the boy was halted by my desperation. I wanted you, Sarah. I had chosen you over him, and afterwards, when you had agreed to my offer, I felt an overwhelming loss underneath my other emotions. I'd never felt anything to that degree before.'

She tried to interrupt, but he pleaded for her silence.

'I felt that my heart was being ripped from my chest, but it was by no fault of yours. I had made my choice, Sarah, and the choice was you. I no longer lend these babes my heart because my heart is only for you,' he paused, 'and for the child you carry. I only want to be a father to this one, not to all the wished aways who come and go so quickly. This child will be constant, ever changing but still here, and I will love it, make no mistake of that, Sarah mine.' Then he was silent.

The tears were still streaming down her face, but Sarah's sobs had subsided. Her breathing hitched as she tried to speak.

'I'm so sorry, Jareth, my love. I'm so sorry. I've been so cruel and I hate myself for it. I've only been thinking of this child, and how I thought you could never love it because of Toby, that I've pushed you away. Please, my love, please.' She didn't ask any specific request of him, but he new the words that were unspoken.

He wrapped his arms around her and pet her hair as she clutched at his lapels.

'There is no need for you to plead my forgiveness, Sarah, for you have it. You have all of me, like I promised, and this babe shall be loved.' He unwrapped his arms from around her and guided her up to the throne, where he gently sat her down.

Kneeling on the dais, he put his hands on her lower stomach and started to sing in the Goblin language. Sarah had learned the difficult tongue after many years, and the words that he sung created a new stream of tears. It was the song the goblins sang when new life was created, and when a life moves on.

When he had finished, he lent forward and pressed a kiss upon her still flat stomach. She bent down, placed a hand on his hair, and kissed the crown of his golden head. She whispered that she loved him, and he pulled his head back to kiss her, relaying the same sentiment.

The girl was born seven months later with sandy hair and hazel eyes. They named her Roxanna.


End file.
